President Bush is trying to f-up my life...

He truly is. This is odd, as I bear the President no especial ill will. I just wish he would learn to chew with his mouth closed at State Functions and not act like he is sitting at the Jock Table in the high school cafeteria. It is embarrassing for all of us. But I digress…

Today, the president came to Columbus for a social call. A fundraiser for Congresswoman Deborah Pryce at the estate of the one, the only Les Wexner.

Don’t know Mr. Wexner (or Les, as we hip Columbus-ites call him)? If you’ve set foot in a mall sometime in the past 20 years, you do. Ever shopped at Express, The Limited, Victoria’s Secret, Abercrombie and Fitch, White Barn Candle Co, Bath and Body Works, Lane Bryant, or Lerner New York? Then you’ve met Mr. Wexner. He is indeed the force behind this retail empire, and as you might guess, a wealthy man. The kind of man who the President would come to visit.

And today, he did. He touched down at Port Columbus International around 5:00, and then headed for New Albany, the teeny-tiny farming community that was basically purchased by Mr. Wexner’s land development company about 10 years ago, and turned into a veddy veddy upscale community. Don’t get me wrong, they have done a wonderful job—the town is simply lovely, the houses don’t look as funeral home-like as many new homes do, and there is an actual downtown with stores, grocery, etc. I don’t know how all of the old-timers in New Albany feel about it, but it seems like a nice place. New Albany is also home to my job—in a beautiful building, just outside of town. It is right off the highway, which is usually super-convenient for me. I’m going the opposite way of most of the traffic during rush hour and can make it door to door in about 35 minutes most days.

I say most days, because the President f-ed it up for me today. I should say Deborah Pryce f-ed it up, because as much as I don’t really hate the President, I really do hate Deborah Pryce.

As I was saying, he came to town for a Pryce fundraiser at Chateau Wexner. Here is some info I didn’t know—when the President is traveling from say, the airport to say, Les Wexner’s estate, he is the only car on the road. Really. They closed down all the Very Major highways he was to use. No cars going in either direction, no cars driving on the bridges above him or on roads beneath him. Just lots of people backed up on exit ramps, and city streets, secretly fuming and (I hope) plotting just how they aren’t going to vote for Deborah Pryce.

As I mentioned, my office is right off the highway, about 2 miles from the Estate of Les. As the highway and the roads over it, as well as any road going near the estate were closed, and I have no other decent route home, I was stuck in the parking lot for well over an hour. And then the traffic. Sweet Baby Jesus Up in Heaven…the traffic. Worse that an OSU football game. Not counting the time in the parking lot, it took me over an hour to get home. An hour.

When I finally got on the road, slowly inching home I though about the President in his limo. I wonder what it is like as your car glides through the strangely empty rush hour. Buildings go by at a blur; a house, a church, an empty factory, an auto parts store. Does he wish that he could trade it in for just a day, trade it all in an live in one of these houses, work at the auto parts store, and not have the fate of the country resting in his hands like an empty eggshell?

1-2-3-4-5-6-7...

Eight?

Just another confirmation that I am right to drop Cingular as my wireless plan.
The customer service phone number listed on their website is:
1-866-CINGULAR

That is one number too many.
You'd think a phone company would know better...

(I know, I know, it works if you call it that way--but it is the principle of the thing here, people)

Translate this....

This is the Best Translation Website Ever!
I can finally fit in with the cool kids! Maybe I'll even send a text message to someone, once I figure out how to do it...
Thanks for the tip, Sooz!

Or, as the Kewl Kidz would type:
THES SI TEH BST TRANSLATION WEBSIET EVERI!!1111!!! WTF LOL CAN FINALY FIT IN WIT DA COL KIDS!!!1!! WTF MAYB IL 3VEN SEND A TEXT M3SAEG 2 SOMEONE ONCE I FIGURA OUT HOW 2 DO THX!1!!!!1!1!!!111 OMG LOL FOR TEH TIP SOZ!!1111!! WTF LOL

Check it out: English-to-12-year-old-AOLer Translator

Tagged--I'm it!

I've been tagged by The Laundress with the Seven Songs Meme:
"seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now". Just supposed to list 'em, don't need to link to them."

So I give you the Seven Songs of Ameliabee, Right Now.

Everything's Different Now--The Innocence Mission
A husband/wife group with simple, but gorgeous songs about faith and becoming.

So Like Candy--Elvis Costello
Elvis Costello writes the best post breakup songs, and this is one of them.

All Kinds of Time--Fountains of Wayne
I have Much Love for the Fountain fellas--in particular for this song. It manages to capture one of those brief moments when you are completely in the right here and right now. All while talking about a football game.

A Praise Chorus--Jimmy Eat World
I've been on a kick of doing "Positive Self-Talk" (I know, I read too many self-help books...) and this song is a constant companion for that reason. Plus, it rocks.

This Monkey Gone to Heaven--the Pixies
Just saw them on Austin City Limits, and they still got it. In fact, they got more of it than just about anybody else.

American Cancer--The Evil Queens
You probably don't know the Evil Queens yet, but you will. Check em out on iTunes. That's some great Rawk-n-Roll.

When You Close Your Eyes--Night Ranger
Hey, my reunion is coming up, and I'm feeling nostalgic...or I'm still way into the 80's, take your pick.

Avast! Ye Scurvy Dogs!

In honor of two things:

1. International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which was yesterday (tip o' the barnacle to E. for reminding me!)
2. My usual laziness in getting anything posted

Today is Crazy Association Day here on Ameliabee! So we'll start with pirates and end up in a Columbus cemetery. (I was going to link to stuff, but again, lazy.)

Ahoy! A nautical call used to attract attention from another ship, and favorite lingo of modern-day pirate talkers.

Hoy! Hoy! Modified version of Ahoy, proposed Alexander Graham Bell for use as a greeting when using his new telephone device. We collectively settled on "hello" instead. Except my husband and Mr. Burns, who both answer the telephone this way. (the Proper Way as Rob would point out)

Grover Cleveland 22nd and 24th President of the United States, and Ameliabee's favorite president. While in the White House, Cleveland personally answered the White House telephone. One assumes with, "Hoy! Hoy! White House, Grover Cleveland speaking.."

Frances Folsom Cleveland, the woman who married Grover Cleveland in the White House. The Clevelands are the only presidential couple to marry in the White House.

Super Presidential wedding was what one might call the union of Julie Nixon (daughter of then-president Richard Nixon) and David Eisenhower (grandson of Dwight Eisenhower)

Richard Nixon first served in the Executive Branch as Vice President to Eisenhower, although he was not elected upon Eisenhower's retirement from office.

George H.W. Bush is only the second vice-president to have been elected immediately following the term of the president he served. (the other is Martin Van Buren, who served under Andrew Jackson)

Samuel Prescott Bush, grandfather of George H.W. Bush was a noted industrialist and is buried right here in Columbus, OH.

Bush is buried in Greenlawn Cemetery which is one of the loveliest places I've visited in quite a while. You can peep more photos from the trip in my Flickr album.

Ahoy!

Rap Cat

You heard me, Rap Cat.

I post this for the benefit of those in the Upper Midwest who don't have Rally's or Checker's restaraunts.

Enjoy the awesomeness that is....Rap Cat.

As Time Goes By

20 years ago this summer, I graduated high school. 20 years ago. Seems impossible, but it is indeed true. I'm getting ready for my reunion, and I'm really not sure how I feel about the whole thing.

Okay, that's a lie. Here is how I feel about it--anxious. This is no surprise, as I feel anxious about going to the mall, calling to schedule appointments, and going to the library.

So, as I head into this reunion, I'm anxious. I wasn't a popular kid; my big activities in school were band (at which I was not terribly good) and Quiz Team (at which I was very good). I didn't have many friends, and was teased pretty badly by some of the other kids. I was fat (not really, but I was convinced that I was), insecure, unhappy, and lonely, living mostly in elaborate day-dream sequences that involved various members of Duran Duran and Rick Springfield coming to rescue me.

Thinking about the reunion is sort of like being rolfed by every bad memory I can conjure up--attending my first dance and having not one person talk to me, overhearing my name being used as a punchline for a joke among some boys, and some even more embarrassing things I can't bring myself to mention. I wish I could reach back in time to the girl I was, and hold her and tell her all the things she needs to hear. You are okay just as you are, there is a wonderful man who will love you even if you aren't perfect, you can't fix everything for everyone, you don't have to pretend to be happy all the time, and you are lovely--simply lovely. And I love you.

I've learned so much in 20 years. I have a wonderful life that isn't anything like the one I had planned--which involved again, various members of Duran Duran. I have a wonderful life that is what I want, on my terms, with the person I chose to be with, and who chooses (heaven knows why, sometimes) to be with me. But still inside is the gun-shy girl who worries that nobody at the reunion will like her because she is fat (for real this time), she isn't smart or important enough. I'm hoping she'll look out at the party and see how happy people are to see us, how she's the only one who cares about the other crap, and that, though fat, we look pretty danged good.

Dead Presidents

No, this isn't a post about Jay-Z.


It is about one of Ohio's own dead presidents. I love history and have been eagerly working on an urban history project about Columbus since we've returned, but I've made some time for an old hobby--presidential monuments. Ohio is a great place for this hobby, as 8 presidents were born here, and 4 are buried here. Which presidents?
James A. Garfield (buried in Cleveland)
Ulysses S. Grant (famously buried in Manhattan, although his parents are buried in Cincinnati)
Benjamin Harrison (buried in Indiana)
William Henry Harrison (buried in North Bend, OH)
Rutherford B. Hayes (buried in Fremont)
William McKinley (buried in Canton)
William Howard Taft (buried in Arlington National Cemetery)
Warren G. Harding (buried in Marion)

Oddly, of these 8 two were assassinated and two more died in office. Not such good statistics for the Buckeye state...


But on to the President of this Post--Warren Gamaliel Harding, our 29th president.
Many have considered him to be the worst president in history--but I reserve that honor for Andrew Jackson, by virtue of the Indian Removal act, among other things. That said, Harding was not a terrific president by any estimation. A handsome and well-connected newspaper man, Harding won the presidency with a well planned and publicized "front porch" campaign that included visits from stars such as Al Jolson and Mary Pickford.

Once in the White House, Harding left much of the policy work to his confidants and advisers--many of whom rapidly became embroiled in scandals such as the infamous Teapot Dome. Harding was responsible for several of his own scandals, most involving women other than his wife.

But Harding died in office before most of the scandals could come to light--which resulted in this terrific monument. Harding's monument is impressive Greek Temple of Georgia Marble. The inside is open (in a nod to the Harding's wish to be buried outside) and contains a lovely Japanese garden.

Also not to be missed is the spectacular Marion Cemetery. This is an old cemetery with some spectacular monuments and angels. No trip to the cemetery would be complete without a visit to the Haunted Merchant Ball. Erected in 1896, the two-ton granite ball rolls on its base at a rate of about 2 inches a year. Many theories are forwarded about this (most likely? Coriolis effect) but I say--Haunted! Here is a shot of the Merchant Ball with me worriedly watching some large birds circling us.

There are Tons more photos about both the Harding Monument and the Cemetery in my Flickr Album too!

Neighbors to the North

In the vein of things I like, which is as good a thing as any to write about, I would like to honor our neighbors to the north. No, not Canada. Some fellows from Ann Arbor, Michigan who are just about the most interesting and creative people I've run across.

Davy Rothbart and Jason Bitner are the creators and editors of Found Magazine. If you haven't had a chance to visit the website, please do so now. I will wait for you... See now, wasn't that cool? I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the magazine though, it is even more interesting than the website.

Both Rothbart and Bitner have recent "solo" projects that are every bit as good as Found.

Jason Bitner has recently published LaPorte, Indiana, a lovely, thoughtful glimpse into the heyday of a small Midwestern town. LaPorte is composed entirely of photographs--studio portrait proofs which span the 1950's and 60's.

It would have been all too easy for Bitner to publish a snarky, post-modern book that points out the lapses of fashion sense, hickishness, and just basically mocks the folks of LaPorte for our amusement.

But what Bitner has done is present these photos as little trinkets, little shards of other people's life without judgement, or comment. These little bits of ephemera can help us see the humanity in the extras that wander through the movie of our life. LaPorte gives us glimpses at the beginnings, middles and sometimes ends of stories, from people frozen at a moment in time, a moment they wanted to memorialize.

As a lifelong Midwestern gal myself, I felt the tug of home while reading this book, and once again was captivated by the beauty and life that surrounds us here in the heartland. No less than John Mellencamp, whom I respect greatly has said about LaPorte: “These are real people. The grace and dignity one sees in their faces should be a source of hope for us all.” I second that emotion, and encourage you to take a look

Davy Rothbart has released a collection of short stories, The Lone Surfer of Montana, Kansas.

This isn't to say that you won't laugh out loud while reading this book, Rothbart does an admirable job balancing pathos with just enough humor to keep it bearable, but not enough to make light, so that when the whole thing comes crashing down you are stunned by the suddenness and inevitability of it.

A wonderful book by a writer with a sure, clear voice and a command of the tricky language of non-preachy salvation. You can easily read this book in an afternoon, but you'll be thinking about it for days to come.

So, although I fear this will get me run out of Columbus on a rail, I tip my hat to the boys from Ann Arbor, and look forward to hearing much more from both of them.

And here, to appease the Godz of Buckeye, is a picture of Brutus. Please don't set my car on fire, thank you.

Eeergh..

Still having trouble posting photos, which is sad because I have some great photos from our trip to see President Warren G Harding and the Haunted Tombstone of Marion, OH.

So, until I can get the pictures working, I leave you with this:
Nathan Sawaya: the art of the brick

I know we've all seen weird lego art before--the brick testament, etc.
This is Head and Shoulders Above that stuff. I'm talking Han Solo in carbonite.
I'm talking an amazingly lifelike representation of an Eileen Fisher dress.
I'm talking much, much more.
And all made out of legos.

Rock.

Things that make me smile

As most of you know, it has been a rough week or so in Ameliabeeland. But, rather than wallow in a bunch of negativity and snarkiness, I've decided to focus on things that make me happy. So, for your edification, here are a few things that I adore.

(These were all going to have fun photos, but for some reason Blogger really hates me right now, so you'll have to use your imagination kids.)

Nature's Gate Herbal Conditioner
This smells like Heaven, and leaves my hair feeling lovely.

Hoover Floor Mate Spin Scrub
I purchased this wonderful appliance on a recommendation from Lynn, and I can honestly say I love it!! It not only scrubs the floor with rotating brushes, it sucks up the water, so the floor is dry when you are finished. No waiting! Now is that cool or what? Approximately 97% of our floors are non-carpeted, and I can do the Entire House in about 25 minutes. Which is good, because if it involved anything resembling hard work, I would only mop them once a year. As it is, I do them just about every week. If it can make a decent housekeeper out of me, think of what it could do for a normal person!

Chuzzle Deluxe
I have never been much of a video game player--my reflexes aren't great, they were pretty violent and I always ended up stressed out. Time runs out, people are shooting at you, things are falling to crush you, I mean who needs it? I can get that kind of stress walking through campus after a football game. Enter Chuzzle, the stress free game. You don't kill anything, nothing shoots at you, and there No Time Limit. Besides, the Chuzzles are super cute! I'll warn you though, it is addicting.

OK Go
I just love this band. They play great power pop, they are fun, and great dancers. Be sure to check out the video for Here It Goes Again as well as their Table Tennis Program. Also, they are darned cute if way too young for me.

And last but not least...

YouTube
If you haven't visited yet, check it out. User-uploaded videos of, well, anything. People singing, skateboarding, eating sandwiches--you name it, YouTube has it, along with clips from your favorite shows (without cable, it is the only way I can get a Daily Show fix). Two of my faves: Mr Cat Loves to Dance, by my friend Sooz. Dang, that cat can dance! And We Built This City by some drunk guys in Chicago.
This my dears, is Exactly Why I love the internet.

Dangit

Why won't Blogger let me post any pictures?
What have I done to anger the Godz of Blog?

I hope to have my post posted soon, if I can actually get this to work.
Yeesh.