911..what is your emergency?

Hi everyone. Time once again for the 911 report! As always, culled from police blotters around the midwest, and a few special gems from other parts of the newspapers. So--pick up the phone and dial...

9:58: Advised male subject stole his revolver, subject possibly armed
**Make that a Very Strong Possibility…**

2:33: Request officer in reference to three male subjects in a car gave her a fake $100 bill at a yard sale **If you have enough in the cash box to make change for a fake $100 bill, you’ve had a pretty successful yard sale…**

9:57: Suspicious person/ vehicle: Advised there is a van parked beside the church that shouldn't be there **not The Church That Shouldn’t Be There! Eeek!**

10:42: Advised one of the renters there was possibly intoxicated, talking about black cats and snakes **Caller advised renter might have just been watching too much of the Nature Channel…**

4:00: Public drunk: Intoxicated male subject has messed up a bench
**All I can say is…Eeeew.**

10:45: Road hazard: Large orange barrel in middle of road just past the bridge,
**Caller advises barrel is located at the area where construction guys have the road all torn up…**

2:56: Advised he wrote a script, patient left with it, then came back and the script had been changed. **Caller advises editor/patient took out two whole scenes of backstory which are really important…**

5:35: Criminal mischief: Advised of vandalism on some equipment on a strip job. **Advised someone broke the heels off caller’s see-through plastic stripper shoes…**

4:37: Advised there was a Bellsouth pay phone in the small alley between the bowling alley and the building beside it **Caller advised she hasn’t seen a public pay phone since 1998…**

11:42: Criminal mischief: Rock throwers are back, M&R Towing **and this time, it’s personal…**

6:29: Burglary, unknown when: Someone broke in through a window trying to steal a pie **Subject was lead to house by clouds of steam resembling a crooked finger, beckoning him to the scene of the theft…**

And a few comments of note from a city council meeting:
"Randy Tylerson criticized the Landlord's Association for not showing up at some committee meeting held on the issue."
**What committee, was that Randy? Crap I don’t know, some committee…**

“It is kind of like a two-pronged sword here,” she said **Or maybe more like a double-edged fork?**