Terror in the Aisles...

Late this evening, we stopped by Meijer (big grocery/discount store) for a few groceries.

Walking aimlessly down the dairy aisle, I was nearly run over by this bus...

It is Dick Cheney!! A Happy Dick Cheney, death-grip on the wheel, driving this high-fructose corn syrup powered bus full of children straight to hell.

Straight. To. Hell.






Mr. Ameliabee thinks I've finally lost it---what do you think? Bus drivin Cheney, or Delusional Ameliabee?

911..what is your emergency?

Hi everyone. Time once again for the 911 report! As always, culled from police blotters around the midwest, and a few special gems from other parts of the newspapers. So--pick up the phone and dial...

9:58: Advised male subject stole his revolver, subject possibly armed
**Make that a Very Strong Possibility…**

2:33: Request officer in reference to three male subjects in a car gave her a fake $100 bill at a yard sale **If you have enough in the cash box to make change for a fake $100 bill, you’ve had a pretty successful yard sale…**

9:57: Suspicious person/ vehicle: Advised there is a van parked beside the church that shouldn't be there **not The Church That Shouldn’t Be There! Eeek!**

10:42: Advised one of the renters there was possibly intoxicated, talking about black cats and snakes **Caller advised renter might have just been watching too much of the Nature Channel…**

4:00: Public drunk: Intoxicated male subject has messed up a bench
**All I can say is…Eeeew.**

10:45: Road hazard: Large orange barrel in middle of road just past the bridge,
**Caller advises barrel is located at the area where construction guys have the road all torn up…**

2:56: Advised he wrote a script, patient left with it, then came back and the script had been changed. **Caller advises editor/patient took out two whole scenes of backstory which are really important…**

5:35: Criminal mischief: Advised of vandalism on some equipment on a strip job. **Advised someone broke the heels off caller’s see-through plastic stripper shoes…**

4:37: Advised there was a Bellsouth pay phone in the small alley between the bowling alley and the building beside it **Caller advised she hasn’t seen a public pay phone since 1998…**

11:42: Criminal mischief: Rock throwers are back, M&R Towing **and this time, it’s personal…**

6:29: Burglary, unknown when: Someone broke in through a window trying to steal a pie **Subject was lead to house by clouds of steam resembling a crooked finger, beckoning him to the scene of the theft…**

And a few comments of note from a city council meeting:
"Randy Tylerson criticized the Landlord's Association for not showing up at some committee meeting held on the issue."
**What committee, was that Randy? Crap I don’t know, some committee…**

“It is kind of like a two-pronged sword here,” she said **Or maybe more like a double-edged fork?**

The Otherwise Girl, by Keith Claire

For a person who loves to read as much as I do, I own few books. I'm mostly interested in the reading, not the having. So if I have a copy of a book, it is usually a favorite.
I discovered my copy of this old favorite while unpacking, and gave it another read. I'm so glad I did!

The story opens with our narrator, Matt rolling into a quaint northern England village for a holiday with an old family friend, Dockhurst. Dock is an eccentric painter who is like an uncle to 15-year-old Matt and has invited him down from London for some drawing lessons.

Matt is met at the bus stop by a fire-haired beauty named Chloe who leads him out to Dock's studio/barn on the edge of town. Matt is instantly attracted to Chloe, who isn't all that she seems. In learning what it means to be "otherwise," Matt helps Chloe find what she has been looking for, and learns that sometimes love means letting go.

Honestly, I can't tell you much more without giving away important plot points.
I would absolutely recommend this book for an older middle-school/high school aged girl. I've always been an Anglophile, even as a kid, and Claire weaves in enough details of village life to make me want to go the Elverly on vacation. Although originally published in 1976, the story is in no way dated as it doesn't mention technology or anything that would sound clunky to modern teen ears.

Claire also does an especially good job with the awkwardness of being a teen--when you feel all elbows and knees, words don't come out like you think they should, and you are filled with longings you don't understand. While "otherwise" has a very concrete meaning in the story, there is a deeper level here--growing up is becoming otherwise, with the childhood you left behind only a shadowy memory.

I absolutely adored this book as a teenager, and again as an adult. This is the sort of book that stays with you and I have often thought about it through the years. My copy is beyond tattered and torn, so I'm going to order a new copy from Amazon. You can get one for a penny (plus shipping and handling, so about $3.50 total) well worth it in my mind.

Just in case my glowing praise didn't convince you, Google "the otherwise girl" (don't omit the quotes) and see how many people mention this as a fave book.

the otherwise girl
Originally uploaded by meshel.

I also learned from doing this that a British company is trying to make a film version, as well as this terrific picture on Flickr.

Technical assistance

Hey, since several people have asked, I thought I'd just make a quick post about adding comments.
If you have something you say about a post, you can comment on it. (or heck, if you just have something to say period--doesn't have to be about a post)

At the bottom of each post it says
posted by Ameliabee@ 10:15 PM 0 Comments
Just click on the 0 Comments (or 2 Comments or whatever it says) and join in!
If you want to leave a name, click on "other" and type your name and comments. You can post anonymously if you want to, I won't be mad.

So feel free to comment, read the comments, or not as the spirit moves you.
Or you can email me directly by clicking on my picture in the top left, and then the email field.

Wedding Dresses and Nekkid Men

One of my darling dearest friends is getting married this summer, and Beth dear I know you have everything picked out, but here is a wedding trend I think you should pay attention to.

After all, it is your fault I found this stuff...after you said that "All Eye's On You" was a bridal/formal shop, I decided to find out if they had a website. They don't, but I ended up finding this amazing new tradition.

Yes. You aren't seeing things. That is a nekkid man and a bride. (believe me, he is nekkid. you can zoom in Very Close on the website, and I zoomed and zoomed. No undies.)

This isn't the only time Mr. Be Natural appears--

If you want to see the originals for yourself, take a peek here and look in the catalog under wedding gown.

So Beth, I really think that you and Chris should consider this new tradition. You--look beautiful in your lovely wedding dress. Him--nekkid. (And I suppose, the groomsmen would have to be nekkid too, or at least in bikinis)
Too bad I didn't see this in time for my own wedding :)

More Phun with Phones

Oh Lord. After an hour, she's back.
Lulled by the false sense of security that the silent phone offered, I answered without looking at caller ID.

Me: Hello?
Her: Okay. Is this *ameliabee's cell phone number*
Me: Yes.
Her, repeating it very slowly: Is this *ameliabee's cell phone number*
Me, equally slowly: Yes...It...Is.
Her: Well, I'm looking for Robin
Me, trying not to sigh audibly: I know you are. But, here is the thing--there is only one person at this number, and that is me. My name isn't Robin. I don't know anyone named Robin. Whoever Robin is, they gave you the wrong number or something. There. Is No. Robin. Here. Okay?
Her, apparently awakening from a coma: But this is *ameliabee's cell phone number* right? I mean, that is this number, right?
Me: Yes. That is my number. That is this number. The only thing missing is Robin, and I don't know where you can find him or her. Okay?
Her: Him or Her?
Me: You know Robin. The Robin who does not have this telephone number.
Her: But this is *ameliabee's cell phone number*
Me, with a sigh this time: Yes, yes it is.
Her: Fine.

And....click.
I'm thinking about calling her from my land line and asking for Robin.

Eyes Only

Wow. Beth just simply rulz.

Contrary to her comment on a post below, she is not useless--but in fact one of the coolest, smartest and funniest people I've ever met. And as I've actually seen Carrottop in the flesh (in Wausau, at a low-income housing conference...long story) that is saying something.

Just how awesome is Beth? She sent me this great sign photo!

Not only a great salon name (it is a hair salon, right Beth? Not an eye bank or laser eye surgery place, I hope)
it also is a textbook case of inappropriate use of the apostrophe S.

What does the eye own? On?

Cell Phun

Just got the weirdest cell phone call...
It was from a Wisconsin area code, so I picked it up thinking it might be a long lost friend or something.

Me: Hello?
Her: What?
Me, confused: Um, Hello?
Her: Is this Robin's number?
Me: Robin? No.
Her: Robin, is this Robin's number.
Me: No, this is not Robin's number, sorry.
Her, bithcy: Put Robin on.
Me, politely: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number, there is no Robin here, just me.
Her, getting wound up now: Put. Robin. On. Now.
Me, starting to get testy myself: You have the wrong number, this is not Robin's phone, nor is anyone named Robin here, okay?
Her: Is this *ameliabee's cell phone number*
Me: Yes, it is. But there is no Robin here.
Her: Whatever

And then, she hung up.
And then, the phone rang again. I didn't answer...figuring hearing my voicemail would wipe away all lingering doubt of Robin's presence at this number.
And then...the phone rang again.
Now we are on round 4. All I can say is Robin, would you please call this girl? She is driving me crazy!

Life goes on

I'm baaack! We finally, finally have our internet hooked up at home and I realize now exactly how addicted I am. Wow. There are worse things I could be addicted to--heroin, for instance, or collecting used mustard jars--at least I can learn some things on the internet, right?

Anywhoo. Here are some lovely photos from our trip to Kentucky.
As I mentioned before, we stopped at one of my favorite places on earth, the Falls Creek Paveillion. It is a Great Big gas station with a Wendy's, Taco Bell, and Baskin-Robins inside. Local wisdom has it that the couple who own this particular truck-stop went to Disneyland and were entranced with a building there called something like the Sun Pavillion. They took lots of photos, came back to KY and had their gas station built as a replica. In addition to being a truck-stop, the Paveillion serves as a sort of country music museum. There are about 20 TVs in various parts of the place (it is pretty big inside) and all are tuned to some country music video station. And that is not all. There are glass cases randomly placed throughout with relics from famous country stars. (Although a disproportionate number are in the Taco Bell, which I don't pretend to understand)

Here are two of my faves, all from the Taco Bell area's Elvis Collection.


Relics of the King are highly sought-after, and consequently worth a lot of money, even Elvis' Underwear which are being sold for $2200. So, any authentic memorabilia of Elvis is rather valuable. At the Paveillion, they have the requisite lock of Elvis' hair

And something a little weirder.

This is an Exxon gas credit card issued to Elvis, complete with the welcome letter and envelope. This doesn't appear to be a card he applied for, but one that the company sent out to try and get new customers (back in the days when they just sent credit cards to anyone who would use them) So--Elvis didn't sign this, or use it, and in fact there is no evidence that he ever actually touched it. Not such a hot collectible in my book.

There are some more photos (including the Giant Guitar! You don't want to miss that!) in my Flickr photos...including one of AJ in front of the 1900 megawatt coal generating plant near Louisa. He looks angry...