Its time again, for the 911 Report! Actual police blotter reports culled from newspapers around the Midwest. (snarky comments provided by me, of course)
Enjoy, and don't forget--no problem is too small for a 911 call!
3:51: Extra patrol: Bee Branch.
Wow! I didn’t know I had a whole Branch dedicated to me!
2:36: Prowler complaint: Advised he saw the shadow of a person around his residence, Rt. 689.
Caller also reports, a face through a window, crying in the night, the night which turns into morning… (that was for all you Barry fans out there!)
7:25: Advised subjects were fighting chickens across from Country Market past 201 Speedway.
Caller advises that the chickens are winning…
7:40: Request officer to check out female with short blonde hair at Hill Top Market, running the cash register, had trouble giving change.
Caller wants to know what is wrong with kids these days? Don’t they learn math in school? They can’t make change without the cash register? Caller also feels they play their music too dang loud...
8:26: Reference to stolen four-wheeler, caller advised subject that stole four-wheeler is leaving the area with the four-wheeler.
Sir, you’ll have to tell me what item has been stolen, I’m just not clear on that…
8:32: Advised a male subject came to his house and threatened him and advised he was going to go get something to take care of him, Millers Creek.
Male subject returned with several spa treatments and a yummy dessert…
1:12: Extra patrol: Reference to a couple of subjects walking up and down the road in front of her residence, Riverdale Drive.
Caller advises she doesn’t like that physical fitness crap…
10:38: Suspicious person/ vehicle: Advised there are some bikes in front of a store, S. Mayo Trail.
Caller advises he built a parking lot for cars, not these crazy bicyclists…
12:05 p.m.: Caller requested the F.D. in reference to her 15-month-old child is locked inside her vehicle and he needs suctioned.
Suctioned!? You know, I just can’t improve on this one.
4:41: Advised he was renting a house and the renters have black plastic on the windows.
Attention All Units, we have a possible Goth sighting on Taylor Branch—caller also reports hearing something called “Bauhaus” and a general feeling of ennui…
3:15: Assault: Female has been assaulted at B&W Appliance.
Geez…those salesmen are getting serious about selling those front load clothes washers!
5:28: Suspicious person/vehicle: Male subject walking in Arby's parking lot carrying a big stick.
Subject may be difficult to locate, as he is Walking Softly…
Happy Labor Day 2023!
1 year ago
1 comment:
Awwww, AmeliaBee,
this one gorgeous post. Loved it.
Do you get our local Culvers vicinity weekly paper? Police column is my favorite. Would love to have you comment on them. Typical entries like this:
Tuesday, May 23
3:12 pm -- Suspicious activity reported in a lot behind XXX Street apartments. The caller reported that a teal car and a beige sedan were parked in the lot and several juveniles appeared to be smoking marijuana in them.
Sunday, May 28
9:10 pm A caller reported a boat had been pulled up to the pier near XXX Harbor Condos, at 2843 XXX Rd. Two women on the boat asked if they could use the restroom but were told it was private property. The caller said they entered the building anyway.
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