Take some Bronchitis, add a wee bit of pneumonia and...

And you get Ameilabee lo, these last three weeks. What started out as a slight sore throat descended into bronchitis and ultimately, the merest hint of walking pneumonia. Hooray!
I'm mostly better now--still a remnant of the horrible whoop cough I had for weeks, but I'm no longer blowing my nose every waking moment. I think the receptionist was starting to think an errant flock of geese were living in our ladies room, what with all the honking and whooping I was doing. Every day my voice sounds more and more like me, and less and less like Brenda Vaccaro, which is a good thing.
Don't really have more to say about the disease except, Mucinex, Good Stuff.

Days of Wine and Turkey...
Or portabello mushrooms, homemade macaroni & cheese, zucchini, mashed potatoes and roasted root veggies, as the case may be.

I hope that everyone had a lovely and happy time on Thanksgiving, we certainly did.
Spent the day with our fab friends Sooz and Kev, as well as their adorable wee ones. Additionally, we got to meet some cool new people who I hope will become our fast friends--especially as one of them is Very Into Science Fiction in much the same way that Mr. Ameliabee is Very Into Science Fiction. A rare find indeed.

I think various and sundry members of my family are somewhat angry that we didn't come to visit, but with the aforementioned case of bronchitis in full swing there was No Way I could be in a house full of smokers. And bring both of my lungs home internally, at any rate. Also, we sisters are not all getting along at the moment so why push it? I'm thankful that I didn't have to get in a big ugly passive-aggressive fight with a sibling over the holiday. That's what I'm thankful for.

A Promise and Vow
From yours truly. I really need to get back on the blogging train, not only because I'll grasp at any little bit of fame I'm afforded, but because it helps my other, *ahem* serious writing too.

So, I have decided that I'm giving up my gossip blogs. So sad that I was addicted to them in the first place, but they took up the bulk of my internet time--which really should be my writing time. So, I bid a fond farewell to the likes of TheSuperficial and ASocialitesLife, because honestly, I just don't need to know that much about Lindsay Lohan. It is not getting my book published, that's for sure.

The promise? I'll be posting at least 4 times a week. Just typing that I realize that any normal person would have said every day, but hey--we're managing expectations here at Ameliabee.
And...I'll post some little chunks of my Big Project for you to peruse and hate, or love or be ambivalent about. Hooray? And I promise a near future return of the much-requested 911 report.

Tonight, on the Update...

So, here at long last is the Great Big Giant Update on what has been happening in the life of one Ms. Ameliabee.

Reunited, and it feels so good!

My 20-year high school reunion was a couple of weeks ago, and a good time was had by all--and if not by all, by me at least. We had the party with the two other county high schools, and so I got to reunite with some folks I haven't seen since 7th or 8th grade. We've had quite a range of life experiences, we 20 year alums, but most of us were relatively happy and healthy. What surprised me the most were the people who still remembered slights, fights and still held grudges all these years later. Just goes to show how jagged and deep the wounds of high school can be. My take on it? (Keep in mind that I did not have a particularly happy and joyous high school life. In fact, I had a rather sad, lonely and awkward one.) We were kids then, all of us. We never understood the consequences, the repercussions, the pain we could and did cause. There is no redemption in 20-year-old blame, no triumph in seeing someone in pain and failing. I want nothing more than that everyone could have a peaceful shelter in their lives, no matter how we got along in high school.
But off my soapbox now. If you want to see Way Too Many pictures of Ameliabee (and what is possibly the Best T-Shirt Ever) at the reunion, click on the big photo above.

The New Job
I've been working at my new job for some time now, and I still love it madly. It can be difficult, crazy and stressful, but this is a great company and there is a lot of potential for me to grow.

What I didn't count on was--a deer coming to visit our office, in fact visit MY office. We have a beautiful new office building in a newer office-park area. The building is designed to fit in with the partially wooded landscape, and with the many windows we get to see lots of flora and fauna. Yesterday however, the fauna came to see us. During a meeting (which thank you sweet baby Jesus I was not attending) a 4-point buck jumped through the conference room window. Said conference room is directly across from my desk, and the buck proceeded to jump around the room for a few minutes before finally finding its way out the window. The deer was injured in all this, and the conference room was awash in blood, broken glass, drywall and crushed furniture. Everyone in the conference room got out safely, thank goodness. As far away as possible, of course. Hey-- I lived in Wisconsin long enough to know that I want no part of a pissed off, panicked buck during mating season. No Way.

There is more to tell, I'm sure. But I'm getting sleepy, and incoherent. More sooner than later...

Is that a Zombie?

No, it is just me. Recalcitrant Ameliabee.

Dear, faithful readers...I really am Alive and Well. I haven't been blogging because:

1) I am Lazy.

2) I have been getting some Actual Writing accomplished. Not just my usual whining here and in my journal, but real, possibly salable writing.

3) I've finally gotten a handle on the insomnia somewhat, but it involves my going to bed very, very early and getting up very, very early. But hey, I'm actually on a sort-of regular sleep cycle for the first time in my adult life!

4) see #1 again. I really am That Lazy.

So, I promise. I truly P-R-O-M-I-S-E to update you on all the goings on very soon. Like tomorrow.

Oh Hail....

And not to the Chief this time.

Early this evening we had a ferocious storm--complete with the worst hailstorm I have ever witnessed.

The news said that a storm was coming, and that there was golf-ball sized hail, so I was on the porch watching the clouds blowing overhead. The wind picked up dramatically and then--whiz! Out of our backyard (or so it seemed) came huge chunks of ice. They were really moving fast, and smashing off the side of the house (and our big picture window, which I thought would smash for sure.) This kept up for a good 10 minutes--the hailstones were at least the size of golf balls, some were as large as oranges.

We headed into the kitchen, the only room without a window that faced the hail. Luckily, we didn't lose a window, in the house or the car, but poor Pearl the Mighty Honda took some lumps.

Here is our yard about halfway through the storm. It was raining too hard to get a good shot once the hail stopped, sadly. There are a few more in my Flickr album

I'm not someone who is afraid of storms, in fact I like them. Usually you can find me sitting on the porch, despite all warnings to the contrary, watching the clouds and rain.

This was different. I was truly frightened. The wind was tremendous, and the hail was coming down as hard as if pitched by a Little Leaguer. The lightning strikes were nearly continuous, and alarmingly close. I know several funnel clouds were sighted in town, but I don't believe any touched down. A pretty fierce storm this late in the season. Of course, I blame it all on the hot air belched out by the attack campaign ads.

Terror in the aisles--part the Third

I really have to stop taking my camera into grocery stores. I'm going to get thrown out if I'm not careful.

There is a new Ginormous Kroger near our house. It is not only a grocery store, but it sells furniture, towels, beds and other strange things. More grocery store than a Target, nicer than a WalMart, it is stuck in a strange in-between land, unsure of what it wants to be when it grows up. I hope they have good guidance counselors for young grocery stores.

Anyway. It is very Big and very nice Kroger with all new visual merchandising. Most of it is good--except in the Health and Beauty aisles.

First we have the Legs That Go All The Way...from the Hosiery aisle.
Is is just me, or is this WAY too much leg? I'm just glad she has her legs crossed, or we'd be having a Sharon Stone moment. This is on the hosiery aisle and it is indeed showing a Rather Lot of hosiery, but I just think it is too much.

Once I had recovered from the shock of the Legs, Mr. Ameliabee pointed me toward the Adult Incontinence aisle and this lovely image choice.

Wow. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that someone, somewhere would think this a good photo for the Adult Incontinence end cap.

I've never seen a woman so, ummm fulfilled by peeing in her pants.

I understand what they were going for here, more lifestyle and artistic shots. The other cosmetics end cap has a Really Big Eye with mascara wand, and the hair care aisle has a lovely artistic shot of hair. This is a marketing strategy that makes sense--people are drawn to the big photos, the products showcase themselves, and you don't risk pissing off a vendor by not featuring them. All sound ideas.

Except for the near crotch shot, and the woman gleefully wetting herself.

On another grocery shopping note, I saw a man stealing at the store today. I was picking out potatoes, and the man across from me was looking at bulk candy bars. (they have an awesome selection of the little Hershey Miniatures in bulk, so you can get one--ha, ha--or one hundred) Actually he wasn't so much looking, as he was eating them. At least 5 candy bars. I just stared at him with my mouth open. He stared back at me, and wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed that I caught him stealing.

When I worked at a health food store, we jokingly called the bulk section "The Snack Bar" because so many people would just eat things out of the bins. I often said we should have scales at the door, and weigh people going in and out, just to make sure they actually paid for their food. My co-worker Gabe wanted to rig a siren that we could activate from the counter.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against eating in grocery stores, I do it all the time. I'll open a box of cookies from my cart, a bag of pretzels, or during a recent sudden allergy attack, a package of toilet paper to blow my nose. What is the difference? These things are sold by unit--so I'll get charged for the box, bag, whatever at the checkout. Bulk and most produce is sold by weight--so there was no way for Mr. Goodbar to pay for the candy he'd eaten, even if he had saved the wrappers and not put them back into the bulk bin. So he wasn't just a thief, he was a Jerk too.

But, I wonder. How do most people feel about this? Having worked so very long in retail, I am sensitive to this sort of "shrink." Grocery stores (even the big ones, like Kroger) have extremely tight margins, and any theft really cuts into that. Plus it is just the principle of the thing--you can't pay for bulk food after you've eaten it.

So let me know--am I being an uptight prude?* And what, if anything, should I have done? For the record, after staring intently at him for a number of seconds, I gave an *aHem* so he would know I was watching. Didn't faze him.

*about stealing. We all know that in general, the answer is Yes. With a bullet.

President Bush is trying to f-up my life...

He truly is. This is odd, as I bear the President no especial ill will. I just wish he would learn to chew with his mouth closed at State Functions and not act like he is sitting at the Jock Table in the high school cafeteria. It is embarrassing for all of us. But I digress…

Today, the president came to Columbus for a social call. A fundraiser for Congresswoman Deborah Pryce at the estate of the one, the only Les Wexner.

Don’t know Mr. Wexner (or Les, as we hip Columbus-ites call him)? If you’ve set foot in a mall sometime in the past 20 years, you do. Ever shopped at Express, The Limited, Victoria’s Secret, Abercrombie and Fitch, White Barn Candle Co, Bath and Body Works, Lane Bryant, or Lerner New York? Then you’ve met Mr. Wexner. He is indeed the force behind this retail empire, and as you might guess, a wealthy man. The kind of man who the President would come to visit.

And today, he did. He touched down at Port Columbus International around 5:00, and then headed for New Albany, the teeny-tiny farming community that was basically purchased by Mr. Wexner’s land development company about 10 years ago, and turned into a veddy veddy upscale community. Don’t get me wrong, they have done a wonderful job—the town is simply lovely, the houses don’t look as funeral home-like as many new homes do, and there is an actual downtown with stores, grocery, etc. I don’t know how all of the old-timers in New Albany feel about it, but it seems like a nice place. New Albany is also home to my job—in a beautiful building, just outside of town. It is right off the highway, which is usually super-convenient for me. I’m going the opposite way of most of the traffic during rush hour and can make it door to door in about 35 minutes most days.

I say most days, because the President f-ed it up for me today. I should say Deborah Pryce f-ed it up, because as much as I don’t really hate the President, I really do hate Deborah Pryce.

As I was saying, he came to town for a Pryce fundraiser at Chateau Wexner. Here is some info I didn’t know—when the President is traveling from say, the airport to say, Les Wexner’s estate, he is the only car on the road. Really. They closed down all the Very Major highways he was to use. No cars going in either direction, no cars driving on the bridges above him or on roads beneath him. Just lots of people backed up on exit ramps, and city streets, secretly fuming and (I hope) plotting just how they aren’t going to vote for Deborah Pryce.

As I mentioned, my office is right off the highway, about 2 miles from the Estate of Les. As the highway and the roads over it, as well as any road going near the estate were closed, and I have no other decent route home, I was stuck in the parking lot for well over an hour. And then the traffic. Sweet Baby Jesus Up in Heaven…the traffic. Worse that an OSU football game. Not counting the time in the parking lot, it took me over an hour to get home. An hour.

When I finally got on the road, slowly inching home I though about the President in his limo. I wonder what it is like as your car glides through the strangely empty rush hour. Buildings go by at a blur; a house, a church, an empty factory, an auto parts store. Does he wish that he could trade it in for just a day, trade it all in an live in one of these houses, work at the auto parts store, and not have the fate of the country resting in his hands like an empty eggshell?

1-2-3-4-5-6-7...

Eight?

Just another confirmation that I am right to drop Cingular as my wireless plan.
The customer service phone number listed on their website is:
1-866-CINGULAR

That is one number too many.
You'd think a phone company would know better...

(I know, I know, it works if you call it that way--but it is the principle of the thing here, people)

Translate this....

This is the Best Translation Website Ever!
I can finally fit in with the cool kids! Maybe I'll even send a text message to someone, once I figure out how to do it...
Thanks for the tip, Sooz!

Or, as the Kewl Kidz would type:
THES SI TEH BST TRANSLATION WEBSIET EVERI!!1111!!! WTF LOL CAN FINALY FIT IN WIT DA COL KIDS!!!1!! WTF MAYB IL 3VEN SEND A TEXT M3SAEG 2 SOMEONE ONCE I FIGURA OUT HOW 2 DO THX!1!!!!1!1!!!111 OMG LOL FOR TEH TIP SOZ!!1111!! WTF LOL

Check it out: English-to-12-year-old-AOLer Translator