Leave-Behind Brochure

I'm going to break my own rule and blog a little about work. I don't normally--you never know who is reading your blog, and who they might know, and I'd like very much to keep my job.

So, in very general terms now...I work for a rather conservative company, quite a change from the free-wheeling non-profit world I came from. One of the things they tell you on your first day is that they absolutely monitor email, they burn email files to a disk every day and they monitor internet usage.

So, just keep this in mind as I tell my little tale, 'K?

In each workgroup of the building, there is a central copy room. About 30 people print to the same copier and go there to pick up printouts. Early yesterday morning I printed a document and wandered to the copier to retrieve it. I was greeted by a big pile of printouts from various other people (a common occurence). As I flipped through to find my sheets, I came upon a co-worker's printed out eBay receipts. Not a great idea, seeing as personal internet use is heavily frowned upon, so I decided to drop them off at his desk.

Until I noticed what the receipt was for.
--Wet Look Latex Panties, Black
--Wet Look Latex Panties, Red
--Latex Hot Pants
--Latex Thigh-Highs
and on, and on, and on, and on for about 8 pages.

I dropped the papers. Some of the floated under the copier. I crawled half-under the copier to retrieve them. I wondered what Mr.Latex would think upon finding me in this position. I panicked about that and bonked my head on the copier. I sat on the floor rubbing my head. The vice-president came in to get an envelope. He looked at me like I had clearly drunk my breakfast out of a paper bag. I stuffed the papers back on the copier and fled.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want Mr.Latex to get in trouble, which if his supervisor found the Panty Pages he most certainly would. On the other hand, I was embarrased for him and didn’t want to let him know that I’d seen evidence of his Panty Purchases.

Of course, I managed to get in the elevator TWICE with Mr.Latex today. What kind of work appropriate small talk can you make with someone, when the only thing you know about them is that they purchase an alarming number of very large size slutty underpants?

I was still feeling a little embarassed about trespassing on Mr.Latex’s private world of Panties until about 2 pm. I went back into the copy room to get another printout. I’d waited a little too long and it, like all orphaned printouts, ended up on the table, which is always madly strewn with paper left on the copier. But this time, there was one little pile all neatly stacked up. I looked in the pile for my papers and found….you guessed it, Mr.Latex’s eBay receipt. 6 hours later, and it is still in the copy room. Apparently, Mr. Latex never prints out anything that doesn’t involve lingerie or he too would have seen this. And, judging by the neatness of the pile, many people were looking for a printout, looked in the pile, were horrified, neatly stacked the papers on the table and fled.

I decided to throw it in the recycle bin for him—I don’t want him to get in trouble, but I wasn’t going to hand him the incriminating papers either. Eeew.

So, my tip of the day—
If you print out something incriminating or just plain icky at work, know where that paper is at all times. Don’t leave it in the copy room, the bathroom or the cafeteria. The preceding has been a public service announcement from Ameliabee, who is now going to wash her mind’s eye out with bleach. Thank you.